


Walking at Night

by MG12177



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:39:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MG12177/pseuds/MG12177
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is a mystery. The rumors around the girl are terrifying, so most kids from school don't even dare talk to her. But what happens when Clarke Griffin finally gathers enough courage to approach her high school crush? (Do not read, if you're not into blood.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sleepless Night

A loud noise wakes Anya from her sleep. Ignoring it she looks at the clock on her bedside table and decides that it is way too early to get up but before she can fall back to sleep another bang against the wall of her room makes her jump out of bed. The sound was clearly coming from the other side of the wall. From Lexa's room. 

Hesitantly Anya gets out from underneath the warm blankets and drags her bare feet across the cold wooden floor. After leaving her room she quietly walks over to her sister’s room a couple of feet away. She walks very slowly unsure of what the banging was about and whether she should check it out or not. Her question is answered as the sound of a myriad of loud thuds echoes through her sister's door and into the hallway. As fast as possible Anya tears the door open in shock and fear  
of what she might see. 

The room is too dark to make out what is happening so Anya moves inside and turns the light on at the same time. She freezes as her mind takes in what is happening in front of her. Her sister Lexa is leaning her forehead against the wall while punching it with her fists. She doesn't seem to have noticed Anya walking in because the girl just keeps hitting the concrete with her already bleeding knuckles.

"Lexa!" Anya calls out her sisters name in an desperate attempt to get her to stop but it's not working. Not knowing what else to do she closes the distance between Lexa and herself and pulls her away from the wall with all her strength. Suddenly Lexa's body just gives in without any resistance and collapses to the floor. Anya cringes as her sister’s head hits the wood very hard, she immediately keels down beside her expecting Lexa to cry out in pain but she just stays quiet. Then the sibling realizes that Lexa's eyes were closed the whole time. Is she sleeping? 

"Lexa" the girl shakes her sisters shoulder but she doesn't move. "Lexa wake up!" 

"What happened?" Their mother suddenly appears from the hallway and runs towards her unconscious daughter. "I don't know! I just woke up and saw Lexa punching the wall! I didn't know what to do, mom. I just pulled her away and she fell." Anya was blabbering out trying hard to understand what was happening. 

"Okay, help me get her into bed!" Together the two women hoist up the unmoving body and carefully carry lower her onto the soft mattress. Anya watches as her mother tugs her sister under the blankets. 

"Mom, what is going on?" Anya asks unsure if she'll get an answer from the older woman. Sara turns around to look her youngest in the eyes but is not capable of telling her what happened. Part of because she is scared but also because she has no clue what has come over Lexa. Though she might have an idea. 

"I don't know An. But you should go back to bed I'll stay with Lexa." Sara insists but there's no way Anya will leave her sister now. Instead she stubbornly  
climbs into her sister’s bed and puts her head on Lexa's shoulder. Sara sighs but does nothing about it. She knows she can't keep the siblings  
Apart when they are concerned about each other. Sara sits down at the edge of the bed and puts a comforting hand on Lexa’s leg. She thinks back to what her mother once told her about the dangers of the night but actively ignores it because nothing like that was happening to her daughter. Lexa was probably just sleepwalking nothing more and it is only going to be a one-time thing. At least that’s what she hopes. 

 

The next morning Lexa wakes up earlier than usual. As she tries to move she feels a heavy body holding her down. Anya is sleeping on top of Lexa with her arms and legs wrapped around her older sister. “Anya get out of my bed.” Lexa says with a sleepy voice while shaking the girls shoulder softly. 

“Hmmm…but I’m so tired. I fell asleep too late.” Anya murmurs into her sister’s pillow.  
“What kept you up so late?”   
“Well…you did.” Lexa curiously looks down at Anya and tries to understand what the girl is talking about.

“I did not. I went to sleep right after the movie An.” Lexa clarifies though her sister should know because she was with her.  
“Yeah but you woke up again. Don’t you remember?” The older girl skeptically looks at her younger sister.   
“No I’m pretty sure I slept through the night. I don’t remember waking up even once.” She moves her body to get out from underneath Anya and sits at the edge of the bed. Anya copies her movements and looks deep into her sister’s eyes.   
“Lexa, you woke me up when you were punching the wall.” 

“Punching the wall? You’re crazy Anya, why would I do that?” She lets out a laugh because now she knows what’s happening. Anya is crazy.

“Shut up, Lexa! You don’t believe me? I’m not the one with bruised knuckles because she punched a stupid wall last night!” Anya is annoyed because whenever she tells her sister something that is a little bit strange to her she doesn’t believe it and thinks Anya’s crazy. Lexa’s a bit surprised by the outburst and stares at her sister with wide eyes. The younger girl rolls her eyes and takes Lexa’s hand to show her what she’s talking about. 

Lexa looks down at her knuckles and furrows her brows in confusion. What the hell? She gets out of her bed and walks over to her desk to inspect the bruises under the light of the lamp. They look nasty but the different shades of blue, yellow and red are very beautiful. Beautiful? What?   
Lexa shakes her head at the strange thought while reaching out to touch the beaten flesh. The feeling of touching her bruises is not very pleasant but in a way it’s comforting. She winces in pain but doesn’t let go of her hand.

“Lexa?” Anya’s voice pulls her out of her trance and she immediately turns around to face her sister, letting go of her hand. “Maybe you should put some ice on it.”   
Lexa nods at her sister and runs out of the room and concentrates on not touching her bruises. When she finally arrives downstairs in the kitchen, her mother was nowhere to be seen. 

“Mom?” She calls out while looking around the kitchen and poking her head into the living room.  
“She left early for work. Some kind of emergency at the station.” Anya informs Lexa and sits down on the kitchen counter. With a sigh the older sibling walks over to the fridge and pulls out an ice pack to cool her hurting knuckles. “Is it the first time I sleepwalked?”. 

“Yes, I think so. At least you’ve never woken me up before and I’m a very light sleeper.” Anya gets off the counter to take out the necessary ingredients to make herself a toast. “And I really hope it’s the last time because that was fucking scary.”. 

“I’m really sorry I woke you up. I don’t know what happened, can’t remember a thing.” Lexa apologizes to Anya before coming up next to her and also preparing a toast for herself. “It’s alright I guess. I mean you can’t really control sleepwalking can you. I have never-”. Before Anya could finish the sentence, Lexa let her body fall to the floor. A heavy feeling coursing through her. It feels like sadness and pain but so much stronger. It’s devastation. Lexa has no reason to feel sad, her life is very good. She loves her sister, loves her mom, she’s good at school and her future is bright. The feeling in her chest, in her heart, starts growing stronger and she can’t help but let uncontrollable tears run down her cheeks. 

“Lexa! What’s going on?”, Anya asks, panic obvious in her voice as she watches her sister wheeze on the floor. 

“I don’t know; it hurts so much.” She cries like she’s never cried before. 

A moment later the feeling just fades away and is gone. Completely. The tears stop running and Lexa can breathe again. Trembling she gets up on her shaky feet and wipes away the tears. 

“Lexa, are you alright?” 

“Yeah, I just had this feeling that something really bad happened. I don’t know what came over me.” 

They spent the rest of the day in front of the TV or playing video games, not once mentioning the incident that occurred in the kitchen. Later in the evening they hear a loud crash coming from the street right in front of the house. Two cars collided. Their mother was in one of them…


	2. The Ghost Theory

*1 year later*

After the longest history lesson in the history of history lessons, Clarke finally gets to go to the cafeteria to get some lunch with her friends. As she walks into the huge dining hall, she spots her best friends Raven and Octavia sitting at a table at the far end of the room. After queuing for a few minutes she finally walks over to her friends with her food. 

“Hey Idiots!” She sits down beside Octavia and greets both with a happy smile. 

“You know Clarke, that’s really offensive especially because I consider you to be one of my best friends.” Raven teases.

“Yeah whatever, I just had the most exhausting hour ever, so I need to let some sass out.” Clarke pokes her tongue out at Raven.

“I wouldn’t call it sass, it’s more like ‘nice-try-but-no’ “. Octavia says causing the blonde to slap her shoulder while the brunette snickers at them. 

“Oh look who just walked into the room.” Raven motions with her head towards the entrance and both Clarke and Octavia turn around to see who Raven is talking about. Clarke’s heart jumps as she sees Lexa taking a plate and standing in line to get food. 

“So Clarke are you finally going to talk to her?” Octavia nudges the blonde’s shoulder playfully. 

“I don’t know, maybe. But she probably isn’t interested, I mean just look at her she is gorgeous.” Clarke stares at the girl from across the hall like a love sick puppy. 

“No Clarke, you can’t go near her! Haven’t you heard the rumors?” Raven anxiously reaches for Clarkes hand to get the girl’s attention. Clarke turns back to her friends at the table and gives them a look of pure confusion. Before she can say anything though, Octavia pipes up. “Oh yeah, I heard people talk about her being some kind of vampire. She supposedly goes hunting every night for fresh human blood.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes at her friend’s stupidity. “That’s…unbelievably stupid, O.” 

“Clarke’s right!” Raven admits before adding, “She’s not a vampire! She is possessed by a demon who gets very angry when people at school talk to her, so he makes her kill them at night because he wants her all by himself.” 

Clarke lets out a loud groan as she slaps herself across the face. “Guys, Lexa is not a vampire or a ghost.” She desperately tries to tell her friends.  
“I never said she was a ghost Clarke, I just said she is possessed by a demon. There’s a huge difference. She’d actually have to die to be a ghost but she’s clearly not dead, so there’s no way that she’s a vampire either.” Raven looks accusingly at Octavia.

“Hey, vampires don’t look dead! They look just like normal human beings just prettier and as Clarke said, she is gorgeous! I mean look at her skin. It’s flawless!” Clarke can’t continue listening to her friends talking about whether Lexa is a vampire, possessed by a demon or a ghost. She leaves her friends for a moment to throw away her trash, passing a certain brunette in the process. 

Lexa is sitting all alone at a long table. As usual. Clarke always wants to go up to her when she sees the brunette sitting alone at a table and ask her if she wanted to join her and her friends. However, she never got that far because she was too nervous to utter a word. She doesn’t even try to think of a way to start a conversation with Lexa because she knows that she will chicken out again but this time it was not her choice to make. As the blonde turns around after throwing away her litter, she suddenly collides with another body waiting for Clarke to move so they could dispose their garbage in the bin. The person? Of course Lexa. 

Clarke would have let out an ironic laugh at her life but was too stunned to say anything. “Sorry” She whispers softly hoping that the other girl actually heard her.  
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry too, I was probably standing too close behind you” Not close enough. Clarke thinks to herself. 

“Can I?” Lexa points behind the blonde at the trash can. Clarke’s face immediately turns red as she realizes that she’s standing in the way. 

“Oh sorry” She steps to the side but doesn’t leave the brunette. She works up the courage to talk more to Lexa as she turns around to face Clarke again, surprised that the blonde is still standing there. Just as Clarke is about to say something, the bell rings indicating that the beginning of the next lesson is coming up. 

“Okay so, bye” Lexa awkwardly says while slowly turning around to leave. Clarke curses herself for not keeping track of time but she has to do this right now. 

“Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow? Like together?” Lunch? Seriously Clarke, couldn’t you think of anything better? She eyes Lexa waiting for a reaction from her crush. 

“Sure. See you tomorrow.” Lexa smiles at the faintly shorter girl and finally turns around fully and disappears into the hallway. Suddenly Clarke feels a set of hands grab her shoulders from behind. 

“What was that about blondie?” Raven smirks at the flustered blonde. 

“I think I just asked Lexa to sit with me at lunch tomorrow but maybe I just imagined it because I can’t feel my feet anymore” Clarke doesn’t care if she sounds like an idiot. All she knows is that she just made plans with her crush since freshman year to hang out at lunch tomorrow. What the hell am I going to wear at school tomorrow? I need to write a list of questions and topics to talk about that don’t show her how boring I really am. How can I trick her into liking me even remotely?  
These thoughts are swimming through Clarke’s mind for the rest of the day and even the next morning.

Clarke is a bundle of nerves that day at school and she is really hoping that after lunch with Lexa she will finally be herself again. After the lunch break was announced the blonde rushes to the cafeteria to find a perfect place for Lexa and herself to converse. She also told her friends to leave her be during break, so she would not be interrupted while finally having a conversation with the person she’s been creepily stalking for almost three years now. 

Clarke found empty seats in a far corner of the cafeteria and waited for her date to arrive. Well not date but a girl can dream. Another four minutes passed and Clarke could feel her heart rate sinking and disappointment coursing through her body. Lexa was never late. She surely forgot about Clarke. The blonde was about to get up and leave when the brunette comes into her vision and sits down opposite of Clarke. 

“Hey!” Lexa smiles at her blonde companion. Clarke right now is trying really hard to keep her nerves at bay. 

“Hey, I’m Clarke” She introduces herself as if they’ve never met before. 

“I know” Lexa smirks down, clearly amused by Clarkes blush. 

This is going to be interesting.


	3. The Ultimate Betrayel

“Hey!” Lexa smiles at her blonde companion. Clarke right now is trying really hard to keep her nerves at bay.

“Hey, I’m Clarke” She introduces herself as if they’ve never met before.

“I know” Lexa smirks down, clearly amused by Clarkes blush.

_This is going to be interesting._

“Your name is Lexa” _Oh my God, Clarke shut the fuck up._

“I just wanted to say the same thing! Are you a mind reader?! Wow!” The sarcasm clearly evident in her voice. Clarke’s blush deepens as she looks down at her hands.

“I’m not going to talk ever again.” Her voice is so quiet; Lexa could barely hear what she said. To be honest Lexa feels a bit bad for making the blonde feel awkward.

“But I think you’re way more fun when you talk.” Lexa smiles at Clarke in hopes to loosen the girl up. “It’s nice to actually have lunch with a breathing human being for once.”

“Do you usually have lunch with dead people?” Clarke jokes though the rumors about the girl sitting on the opposite side of the table run through her mind. Lexa laughs at Clarke’s question, shaking her head.

“No, even though many think that I do.” There is a hint of seriousness in the brunette’s voice.

“Well people who think that are just stupid or lack of drama in their lives so they make up ghost stories about their peers.” Clarke offers.

“I thought I was a vampire?” Lexa is genuinely confused. _So people think I’m also a ghost?_    

“Same thing” Clarke shrugs and takes a sip from her drink.

“It’s definitely not the same thing, Clarke. Ghost don’t have bodies, they can’t touch or eat anything while vampires are just like blood sucking human beings only more gorgeous, beautiful and... sexy…”

“But that means you are a vampire.” Then she realizes her wording. “I mean not because you are sexy…which you totally are. You are gorgeous. Oh gosh I should really stop speaking sentences, words or even syllables and sounds.” Putting on her standard tomato blush she quietly whispers to herself “Oh please Clarke, just shut up for once.”

Lexa laughs wholeheartedly, throwing her head back. “Well I do certainly feel that people don’t tell me that I’m gorgeous as frequently as I deserve to be told. So thank you.” After this they continue conversing about some regular topics until the bell rings indicating the start of the next lesson.

Later that day Clarke and her friends visit Raven to watch a movie they have wanted to see for a while but it turned out to be a flop so they spent the evening gossiping.

Octavia, the gossip queen, initiated a conversation about Lexa.

“Octavia are you crazy! She can’t be a vampire; you know why? Vampires only drink blood they don’t eat normal food and we’ve seen Lexa eat in the cafeteria!” Raven counters.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t prove anything. Maybe she just puts it in her mouth for show and spits it out later.” Octavia retorts offended.

“Maybe she’s a unicorn.” Bellamy suggests, receiving dozens of deadpan expressions.

“Bellamy, does she look like a horse to you?” Clarke questions his logic.

“I never said anything about horses, I’m talking unicorns. There’s a huge difference, unicorns are magic.” Speaking with a dreamy voice.

“Clarke, you need to tell us everything about your lunch date with the unicorn… uh sorry Lexa.” Murphy pipes up.

“Oh yeah right, maybe she said something that can help us figure out what she is.” Raven looks expectedly at the blonde.

“Guys, she is not a supernatural being! She’s just a normal girl and she is actually really nice so I don’t understand why people make up all this stuff about her.” Clarke leans back into the couch with a frustrated sigh.

“Is that so?” Costia’s curiosity being peeked. “Do you like her?”

“Me? Her? Noooo. I mean in a friendly not sexualized, no homo way I think she is the most perfect human to ever walk this earth.” Clarke looks around a blush creeping up on her face. “Like totally non lesbian”

“I wouldn’t judge you. She is really hot, totally my type.” Costia daydreams about Lexa.

_She is my type too and I knew she was hot since forever._ Clarke silently glares at her competition. 

The next day at school went by uneventful except for one thing. At lunch Clarke looks for Lexa to ask her if she would like to sit with her and her friends but someone else found her first. Costia is sitting next to the brunette laughing at whatever Lexa just said. Clarke’s glare deepens as Costia puts her hand on her crush’s arm and slightly leans forward to whisper something in her ear. Whatever she said made Lexa blush as a wide grin appears on her face.

_I should be the one making her blush!_ Clarke thinks as she keeps staring Costia down.

“Clarke?” Raven pulls her out of her thoughts, though her glare never leaves the two laughing women. Octavia follows her line of sight to see what draws the blonde’s attention.

“Oh this is bad” Octavia looks back at her friends and reaches for Clarke’s hand. “Hey, they are probably just having a friendly conversation.”

“Maybe a bit too friendly” The blonde glances at Octavia for a short moment before focusing on Costia with Lexa again. Clarke’s eyes widen as Costia scribbles something down on a napkin. A number. Her number. The blonde groans as Lexa takes the napkin and puts it in the pocket of her leather jacket.

Giddy like a lovesick schoolgirl Costia hops over to Clarke and her friends. She flops down next to the annoyed blonde with a huge grin plasters on her face.

“You were right Clarke, Lexa is amazing.”

“Oh you spoke with her?” She plays dumb.

“Yeah like a minute ago. I asked her out and gave her my number.” Clarke chokes on her food. _What?_

“And what did she say?” Raven asks hesitantly.

“She said yes! She’s picking me up Friday evening. With her car!” _I want to get picked up by Lexa with her car._ Clarke frowns, she isn’t angry anymore. Now she’s just sad and disappointed that she hasn’t had the guts to ask Lexa out. Honestly Clarke doesn’t cry often but right now she felt like locking herself in a bathroom and crying for a week.

_I hate Costia! She doesn’t even know what she did! I swear she’s going down_!

 

  


	4. I found you, Heda

Anya walks towards her sister who is standing in front of her locker putting books inside. Lexa doesn’t notice her until she is standing right next to her.

“Ready to go?” Anya asks her sibling.

“Yeah, let’s go” Lexa is relieved that the school day is finally over. She doesn’t hate school but she’d rather do something else. She leads Anya to her car as she sees Costia leaning against the vehicle.

“Hey” Costia grins at Lexa and Lexa can’t help but notice how beautiful her dark her is today. Costia is generally very pretty, Lexa has known that even before Costia came up to her and asked her out.

“Hey! Can’t wait for tonight?” Lexa jokes as the other girls takes a step towards her.

“I really wanted to see you and tell you that I’m really looking forward to spending time with you tonight.” Costia is standing very close to the brunette. She reaches for her hands and squeezes them lightly.

“Me too. I’ll pick you up at eight. Does that sound good to you?” Lexa asks for permission like the gentlewoman she is.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. I’ll see you tonight, Lexa.” Costia slowly steps away from the taller girl as Lexa gets into her car and drives off but not before giving Costia a short wave.

“It’s so weird to see you dating people I know.” Anya pipes up from the passenger seat.

“I’ve dated people you know, An.” Lexa reminds her sister.

“Yeah but not from school. If you fuck this up she will haunt you forever and well me too because I’m related to you.” Anya says jokingly even though she actually means what she said.

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. Why do you always think that I’m going to fuck things up?”

“Because you do! You fuck things up… you fuck girls up… you fuck girls and then just drop them.” Anya smirks as her sibling’s cheeks turn a light shade of red.

“Shut up! I actually do like Costia.” Lexa assures Anya.

“You better! She’s pretty cool and nothing like those brats you always come home with.” Accusation heavy in the younger girl’s voice. Lexa just rolls her eyes and drives them home.

Clarke walks with her head bowed after seeing the interaction between Lexa and Costia at Lexa’s car. She walks over to her group of friends and tries to blend in without being noticed.

“So Costia is really doing it? Her date with Lexa is tonight, right?” Harper asks the group. The others just nod at Harper’s question.

“This is really bad.” The girl breathes out which immediately catches Clarkes attention.

“What? Why?” She tries to not sound too curious.

“My best friend knows a girl that was dating Lexa once and she told her that whenever she spent a night at her place, something weird happened. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore because it got really scary.” Harper explains.

“What happened?” Raven’s eyes are widened by curiosity.

“I don’t know. I just know that you have to be very careful if you plan on spending the night with Lexa.” Clarke shakes her head at the stupid rumors and asks herself how people could believe something like that.

 

*a week later*

Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy and Murphy are sitting together in the cafeteria at lunch break as Costia approaches the table followed by Lexa.

“Hey guys, I brought Lexa with me.” She says excitedly while taking a seat. She looks up at Lexa expectantly who seems insecure about joining Costia’s friends.

“Is it okay if I sit with you?” Lexa asks in a shy manner. Clarke can’t help but think about how cute she is right now.

“Sure, join us!” Octavia invites the brunette and everyone agrees. After thanking the group of friends, Lexa sits herself down next to Costia who immediately scoots closer to Lexa. Their sides touching completely.

Clarke tries not to think about how close they are, so she concentrates on eating and not chocking and not killing Costia.

“So guys, I have an announcement to make.” Costia begins, “after spending most of the last week together, Lexa and I decided to make this thing between us official.” Clarke almost drops her fork, she almost chokes on her food, almost kills Costia. Almost. All she can do is stare at the couple in front of her as their friends congratulate them and welcome Lexa in their group. Clarke has never felt this jealous before.

Over the last week she and Lexa have talked a lot at school and she really thought that there was something happening between them but looking at the couple in front of her she feels like a fool. _They look happy._ That thought pains Clarke the most because she really believes that Lexa could also be happy with her but she missed her chances and lost.

Lexa can tell that something bothers the blonde and chooses to ask her about it later. She has a slight suspicion that the blonde may have feelings for her but she secretly hopes that that’s not the case. Lexa really likes Costia. They haven’t known each other long but she is very nice to her and treats her right and Lexa wants nothing more than make her happy.

After the last bell of the day rang Clarke immediately packs up her stuff and leaves the classroom in a hurry. Lexa tries to keep up with her but she loses the blonde somewhere in front of the school building. Disappointed she lets out a huff and walks to her car.

“Heda!” She hears somebody call but ignores it. “Heda, I finally found you!” The voice comes closer to Lexa. Suddenly a man probably around 40 grips her arm and turns her around forcefully.

“Let me go!” Lexa yanks her arm from the man’s hold. He studies her face without reacting for a while before he kneels down in front of her and bows his head.

“It’s an honor my Heda.” He says respectfully. Lexa doesn’t know what to make of this. The man is still kneeling in front of her and people start looking at them curiously.

“What are you doing?” She hisses at the man. “Get up!” She says a bit louder.

Without hesitating her gets up and looks her directly in the eye.

“Heda, we need you. The situation is getting worse. We’re so close to another war.” Lexa keeps looking at him with a weirded out expression. _What the hell is wrong with him?_

“What are you talking about?” Lexa’s voice is getting louder and the man in front of her winces and takes a step back in respect.

“Heda, you need to give your orders. What shall I tell the generals?” _Okay he’s crazy. Maybe if I play along he’ll leave me._

“Tell them to prepare the army. We need every warrior we can get. Go! And don’t come back, here are too many spies that could sabotage our operation.” The man suddenly starts looking around the parking lot.

“Sha, Heda” With that her turns around and runs across the street. _It worked!_ Lexa jumps into her car before her can come back and drives off.

_That was really weird_. She thinks to herself.

 

     


	5. Long Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short filler chapter before it starts to get crazy.

All her friends surround her as she mentally prepares herself to get on the plane. Costia has tears in her eyes and even Clarke tries hard to keep herself together. Lexa and Bellamy being the oldest of their group of friends have finished school a month ago and Lexa decided to go to college… in Cambridge. Anya and Costia were devastated when Lexa told them that she was going to be so far away from them for several years.

At the airport her closest friends gathered to say their goodbyes. Lexa hugs every one of them till there’re only Clarke and Costia left. She wraps her arms around the blond in a gentle embrace but Clarke hugs her so tightly that the brunette nearly chokes. Lexa feels her shirt getting wet as Clarke softly cries into her shoulder. Over the past months the two became very close friends. The know everything about each other and have been through a lot together. Lexa loves Clarke as a friend, Clarke loves Lexa as more than just a friend but she would never admit that. She was happy with Costia and Clarke would never do anything to ruin their relationship.

“Write me whenever you can.” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s shoulder and feels the taller girl nod.

“Take care, Clarke. And don’t let Anya do anything stupid.” She tries to joke but her voice breaks halfway through. She said goodbye to Anya back at home because her sister couldn’t come to the airport to say goodbye.

“It’s you I’m more worried about.” Clarke sobs but manages to put a slight smile on her lips.

“I’ll be fine. It’s just for a couple of years.” She assures the blonde. _Just a couple of years_. They break apart from their embrace and Lexa turns to the last person, Costia. Costia has grown to be one of the most important people in Lexa’s life and it really pains her to leave that girl for so long. They’ve decided to try a long distance relationship because neither of them can imagine being with someone else.

“No matter what you think, I’m very proud of you, Lexa.” Costia says, throwing her arms around her girlfriend’s neck. “You’re going to kick everyone else’s ass in England.”

“I will miss you like crazy.” Lexa puts her nose into her girlfriend’s hair.

“I will miss you too but we’ll be fine, babe.”

“I know.” Lexa looks her girlfriend deep in the eyes and realizes that if she doesn’t say it now she won’t be able to tell her for a long time. “I love you.”

Costia is taken aback by Lexa’s words but as soon as she processes them a huge smile breaks out on her face.

“I love you too.” She closes the distance between their lips. They kiss passionately for a short moment.

“I have to go.” Lexa says a bit louder, so all her friends can hear. They look at her with sadness in their eyes as she grabs her suitcase and slowly walks farther away from them. Step by step. When she turns back around she can only make out small figures looking her way, some of them even waving. _I’m really going to miss those idiots._  

About 20 hours later, Lexa finally arrives in London. She still has to take a two-hour bus drive to Cambridge but it is late at night, so she has to stay at a hotel in London.

Laying in her bed, Lexa can’t help but think about her friends and how much she is going to miss them. Every one of them. Especially Anya and Costia. And Clarke because she is her best friend. Thinking of her friends reminded her to write Costia that she landed safely in London.

**To: AdorbsCostia**

**Hey babe, I just checked into the hotel**.    

 

A reply came not even a minute later.

 

**From:** **AdorbsCostia**

**Good! How was your flight.**

**To: AdorbsCostia**

**Long but finally over. I miss you.** **L**

**From: AdorbsCostia**

**I miss you too.** **L**

**From: AdorbsCostia**

**You should go to sleep babe. You must be exhausted.**

**To: AdorbsCostia**

**Ok MOM!**

**From: AdorbsCostia**

**LEXA!**

**To: AdorbsCostia**

**Haha sorry and yes I’ll go to sleep. You are right (as always) I am very tired.**

**From: AdorbsCostia**

**Thank you. Sleep well, babe. I love you.**

I smile at her last message and immediately types a response.

 

**To:** **AdorbsCostia**

**Goodnight! I love you too!**

 

She puts her phone away. Tears start streaming down her face. She usually isn’t the person to cry easily but she already misses her girlfriend and her friends. Maybe she should have stayed in California, or at least America.

The next day Lexa had to get up very early to check out of the hotel and get to the bus. Now that she finally got settled in the vehicle she can’t resist to text her girlfriend but she also sends Clarke a quick recap of her flight to London.

Clarke is the first to respond.

 

**From:** **BestBro**

**Uhhh how’s the UK?** **J**

 

**To: BestBro**

**I haven’t had the chance to see much of it yet.**

**From: BestBro**

**You still have a couple of years left so you better see all of it and don’t forget about us and I expect a souvenir every time you come to visit.**

Lexa rolls her at her best friend’s demands.

 

**To: BestBro**

**As I told you I won’t forget about the fucking souvenirs Clarke!**

**From: BestBro**

**Good! Ok I’m going to sleep. Have fun with the Brits.**

Lexa just realizes that it must be around three in the night in California. She quickly apologizes to Clarke and wishes her a good night. 

The bus is almost empty, so Lexa takes the liberty to put her stuff on the seat next to her. She puts her headphones on and focuses on the music for the rest of the ride.

This is the start of a new chapter for Lexa and her friends and it is going to be hard but Lexa know it will all work out fine in the ending.

 


	6. More than Friends

Clarke’s first day without Lexa went by… lonely. Usually Clarke would hang out with Lexa, Costia and Anya but since Lexa was her bridge to the two other girls, Clarke felt awkward to call and ask them if they wanted to do something with her. _Only a couple of years to go_. Clarke reminds herself which actually makes everything worse. 

She’s sitting on the floor inside of her room contemplating whether she should call Octavia and Raven over to her place or not. She finally decides to text her friends if they wanted to come over. Both said yes and that they would be there soon.

About half an hour later Octavia is the first to arrive at Clarke’s place and not even two minutes after that Raven knocks on the door. After taking off their shoes the girls climb the stairs to the blonde’s room.

“Have you heard anything from Lexa yet?” Octavia asks as she looks at a picture Clarke hung up on her wall. The picture shows Clarke and Lexa; Lexa has an arm thrown over the blonde’s shoulders.

“Yes, she texted me when she arrived at her apartment in Cambridge.”

“Ok cool. I can’t believe she’s gone. It feels like something is missing.” Octavia comments. Almost immediately after, she sees Clarke’s face fall.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. She won’t be there forever and she already said she’ll visit us every once in a while.” Octavia tries to cheer up her friend.

“I know it just feels really weird.” Raven and Octavia hug their blonde friend.

“You still like her, don’t you? As more than friends I mean.” Raven whispers into their embrace. She can feel Clarke nod and soon after the girl starts sobbing.

“I miss her so much.” She cries into her friends’ shoulders. Octavia and Raven don’t know what to do, so they just keep Clarke inside their arms.

 

In Cambridge Lexa finally moves into her apartment. The building Lexa moved into has been bought by the King’s College, so mostly students from the college live there. Also she lives in a fully equipped apartment not a tiny dorm room which makes everything way better. She decided that she didn’t want to live alone though. She will start looking for a roommate once she settled into her apartment properly.

Cambridge is by far one of the most beautiful places Lexa has ever been to. Her mother would have loved it here. At the thought of her mother Lexa feels a sting in her heart.

“Hey mom,” After her mother died in the car accident, she developed a habit of talking to her even though she knew that her mother wouldn’t hear it. “I got accepted to King’s College. I love Cambridge. I know you’ve never been to England but the stories you told us about grandma are true. It really feels different than in America. The people are so different. It really is… magical. I know I laughed whenever you used that word but now I get it. I hope you’re proud, mom and I really hope you’re not mad at me for leaving Anya behind. When I finish college I’ll get a nice job and I’ll be able to take care of Anya.” Lexa stands still in the middle of her new apartment. She’s angry that she doesn’t get a respond from her mother. But how could she? She is dead.

She shakes her head and decides to go outside to explore the city. Everything seems so familiar but also strange. She feels at home and at the same time has this weird sensation inside her that tells her to leave this place and never come back.

She crosses a market, which is two minutes away from her new college. She looks at the beautiful King’s College with admiration.

“Damn it looks like Hogwarts.” She whispers to herself.

“Nah Hogwarts is bigger.” A voice calls beside her. She looks at the stranger. A tall woman with dark curly hair is standing right next to her looking up at the college. Lexa can’t help but snicker at the woman.

“My name is Luna by the way.” The slightly taller woman finally looks at Lexa.

“I’m Lexa.” The girls shake hands.

“So are you a tourist?” Luna asks with a polite smile.

“Eh no even though it still feels that way. I just moved here from America.”

“Why did you move?” Luna seems really nice so Lexa keeps answering her questions.

“I’m starting college here in a week.” She points at the King’s College. “This is my school now.”

“Wow that’s really impressive.” Her voice is sincere.

“What do you do?” Lexa asks not because she wants to be polite but rather because she is genuinely interested.

“I also just moved to Cambridge… to open a club.” She states proudly. “I have to find an apartment first before I can start working on it.”

“You moved here to open a club but haven’t looked for a place yet?” Lexa smirks at the woman.

“My decision was spontaneous. A friend told me that one of his friends put an empty basement for sale. I’ve been looking for a nice space for a while so I immediately called him up and bought it.” Luna lets out a small laugh, “And I just kind of forgot that I have to sleep somewhere.”

A thought crossed Lexa’s mind. It was crazy but she wanted to ask the stranger to be her roommate. Would she want to share an apartment with a complete stranger? But then again she didn’t know anybody in Cambridge, so her roommate would be a stranger anyway.

“Maybe you could…” Lexa trails of as Luna looks at her with curious eyes. “I’m looking for a roommate. If you’re interested in sharing an apartment… I don’t know anybody here so I would really love to have some company… I know this is weird but… if you don’t want to that’s totally fine by me.” Lexa stops rambling. Her cheeks turn red as Luna laughs at her.

“Calm down. You’re not asking me to marry you or anything. Although it is a big deal, we would be in each other’s space all the time. I would hear you have sex all the time.” Lexa’s eyes widen. _Is that really everything she’s concerned about?_  

“Well my girlfriend lives in America. It would not happen often that I have sex. Don’t worry about that.” Lexa tries to clarify.

“I was just kidding” Luna laughs out loud at Lexa’s face. “But are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yeah, you are the only person I know so far. If you turn out to be complete ass I’ll just kick you out.” The girls laugh together.

“I already like you, Lexa. If you are sure about it than I would love to share an apartment with you.” Luna finally answers the question with a huge smile.

“Great! Then let’s get you settled in!”  


	7. Phone Calls

“I went shopping for groceries. There’s a market close to my apartment and they have the best food ever. I decided to go down there every day to get fresh fruits because they are so good.” Lexa talks into her phone.

“YOU bought groceries? I guess you don’t have Anya to do that for you anymore.” She hears her girlfriend laugh on the other end.

“Hey! I always told her what to get she just walked down a few blocks to buy it!” Lexa defended herself. “So I’m the mastermind and she’s my soldier.”

“Whatever you say, Commander.” Lexa rolls her eyes but smiles at her girlfriend’s humor.

“So you’re going to cook your own food now too?” Costia asks with surprise in her voice.  

“That’s not fair! I cooked for you!” Lexa whines.

“Yeah once and you almost burned the food.”

“I tried my best!” Lexa pouts even though Costia can’t see her.

“I know it was very romantic. I BURNED with desire.” Costia emphasizes the word.

“Fuck you!” Lexa tries to act offended but fails as she starts laughing.

“I wish” Costia sighs into the receiver. “So what are you burning… I meant cooking?”

“Actually, my new roomie is cooking. Apparently she’s really good at that.” As she says that Luna walks into the living room.

“Oh yeah what was her name again? Luna?” She can feel that Luna knows that they are talking about her.

“Yes, she’s a total bitch I’ll have to kick her out.” Just as Lexa said that a pillow comes flying at her face.

“I am an angel and you know that jerk.” She says loud enough so the person on the phone can hear her too. Lexa quickly changes the settings on her phone so Luna can hear Costia too.

“Did she hit you with something? You deserved it babe.” Costia’s voice echoes through the whole room.

“She did deserve it, right?” Luna joins in.

“Is that Luna? Can she hear me?” Costia’s question is directed at Lexa.

“Yeah I thought you two should get to know each other. So Luna the beautiful voice is my amazing girlfriend Costia and Costia the horrible voice is Luna.” Another pillow hits Lexa across the face.

“Hey Luna!” Costia says nicely, “I hope I’ll get to meet you in person some time.”

“Hello Costia! I hope the phone sex between you and Lexa won’t be too lou- Ouch!” Lexa holds a pillow against Luna’s face and keeps pressing her to the floor.

“Lexa? What happened?” She can hear Costia’s voice.

“I’m just killing my roommate.” She says as she finally lets Luna breathe again.

“Asshole” The taller woman pouts and remains sitting on the floor.

“Babe, I have to help my mum in the kitchen but I’ll call you tomorrow.” Costia excuses herself.

“Ok have fun. I love you.”

“I love you too! Bye Luna!”

“Bye Costia!” As the phone call ends Lexa turns to her roommate.

“So? Food?” Luna rolls her eyes at the younger girl’s pleading face.

“I’ll really have to teach you how to cook one day.” She gets off the floor and walks into the kitchen grabbing the ingredients she needs to cook a meal for the both of them. Lexa smiles contently and lets herself fall onto the couch.

 

Four months have passed since Lexa moved away. School sucks without the brunette to make Clarke smile at one of her stupid jokes. But New Years was coming up and Lexa promised she’d come and visit them during the winter holidays. Thinking about the girl Clarke reaches for her phone and types a message for Lexa.

 

**To: Lexie**

**You’re still coming for the holidays, right?**

A few minutes later she gets a text from her best friend.

 

**From: Lexie**

**Of course! I also thought about bringing Luna along.** **J**

**To: Lexie**

**That’s great! I’d love to meet her.**

**From: Lexie**

**So what’s the plan for New Years?**

**To: Lexie**

**Home party at Raven’s!!!!**

**From: Lexie**

**Yeeeees! I can’t wait to see you guys again! I really miss you** **L**

**To: Lexie**

**Aww we miss you too! Can’t wait to party with you again. Alcohol will be involved.**

**From: Lexie**

**Aren’t you a bit too young to be drinking?**

**To: Lexie**

**You’re not 21 either!**

**From: Lexie**

**You can drink with 18 in England** **J**

**To: Lexie**

**Damn! Next time we’re coming to you!**

**From: Lexie**

**You’re always welcome here.**

**From: Lexie**

**I think I’m going to sleep now. #timedifference**

**To: Lexie**

**Goodnight Lexa** **J**

**From: Lexie**

**Night Clarke** **J**

Clarke has a huge smile on her face as she puts the phone back into her pocket. She’ll see Lexa again soon and she’s going to enjoy every second they spend together even if they are not spending the days as a couple. She’ll have to share Lexa with Costia.


	8. New Year, New Problem

„Today is the day! “Clarke shouts at her friend as excited as a little girl on Christmas day. She is the first one to jump into the car and look at her Octavia expectedly.

“Can you please hurry up!” She shouts at them with anger in her eyes.

“Ok, calm down! She won’t run away, Clarke.” Octavia rolls her eyes and climbs into the driver’s seat. On their way to the airport Clarke keeps bouncing her legs without stopping once.

“Can you please be still.” Octavia sighs at her friend. “And remind me why we have to pick them up.”

“Costia and Anya promised to help Raven set up everything for the party. Besides I offered to go to the airport and since I can’t drive… you -like the nice person you are- are driving me.” Clarke smiles at her friend who just rolls her eyes again.

About 30 minutes later they arrive at the airport and Clarke practically runs into the building almost knocking over an elderly woman. She stops in the arrival hall and looks around frantically. _Come on Lexa! Where are you?_

Suddenly she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around with the speed of light.

“Hey, blondie.” Lexa smiles down at her best friend. Clarke immediately wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and forces her into a tight embrace. She feels Lexa’s arms around her waist.

“I missed you.” She sighs into her best friend.

“I missed you too” Lexa lets go of Clarke to look at the girl’s face. A tall stranger with curly hair appears behind Lexa. She coughs a few times to get Lexa’s attention.

“Oh right, Clarke this is my roommate Luna.” Clarke and Luna shake hands after Clarke finally detached herself from Lexa.

“Nice to meet you, Clarke. Lexa can’t shut up about you.” Clarke’s cheeks redden a little bit as she smiles at the floor.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Luna.” She says politely.

“Asshole!” A voice catches the girls’ attention.

“Idiot!” Lexa screams back and runs off to greet Octavia. Clarke and Luna soon join them.

“You haven’t changed a bit!” Octavia keeps using an inappropriately loud voice.

“It’s been four months, O!” Lexa matches the other girl’s voice. The two brunettes share a quick hug.

“Let’s get to the car.” Clarke tries to take Lexa’s suitcase but the brunette insists she’d carry it herself. Not even five minutes into the drive to Raven’s house Clarke starts bombarding Lexa and Luna about Cambridge.

“So do you go to the same college?” The blonde looks between Lexa and Luna.

“Oh no Lexa’s the smartass and I am the hard working on.” Luna answers Clarke question and nudges Lexa’s shoulder.

“Hey I work hard too.” Lexa defends her honor. “Studying is much harder than you think! I hated it in school already!”

“Lexa you never did anything for school. You just knew everything I still hate you for that.” Octavia comments from the driver’s seat. Lexa just laugh at her friends. She is very happy to finally be around them again.

When they arrive at Raven’s place Lexa is immediately tackled by her over enthusiastic girlfriend.

“Lexa! Oh my God! You’re finally here!” Costia screams as she runs at Lexa.

“I missed you too” Lexa hugs Costia tightly before kissing her lips passionately. She really missed the feeling of having her girlfriend close. After greeting the rest of her friends and Anya the party starts. Lexa has no idea how but her friends somehow managed to get their hands on a big load of alcohol so everyone got pretty drunk very early on.  

“Lexa!” Clarke stumbles towards her friend.

“You are sooooo drunk!” Lexa laughs drunkenly at her friend. She catches the blonde as she trips and almost falls to the ground.

“Uh do work out in Cambridge?” Clarke squeezes Lexa’s biceps. Lexa can’t help but notice the flirty tone in her friend’s voice. “You are so strong.”

“Eh, yeah Luna forces me to stay fit. She even signed me up for kickboxing but you already know that.” Clarke’s mouth forms an o-shape at Lexa’s explanation. Clarke thinks to back to what Raven once told her about getting what she wants. She knows what she wants and she is too drunk to care right now.

“Eh did you die recently?” Lexa widens her eyes. _Oh no_. “Because you look like an angel to me.”

“Clarke are you flirting with me?” Lexa looks surprised and Clarke sees it as a good sign.

“Are you a tortilla?”

“Clarke I don’t think you- “

“Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.” Lexa takes a step back. _Ok this is going too far._

“What the fuck! Clarke!” Costia is suddenly standing next to Lexa with a disgusted look on her face. “Stay away from her, I mean it!”

Costia grabs Lexa’s arm and pulls her away from the blonde. Clarke realizes just now what she did. _What is my problem!_ She runs after Costia and Lexa to apologize and finds the couple on the street in front of the house. They seem to be arguing but stop when they see Clarke approaching.

“You bitch!” Costia dangerously walks towards Clarke with clenched fists but Lexa runs to stand between the two girls.

“You want to take Lexa away from me! Admit it!”

“Costia calm down. She’s just drunk nothing happened.” Lexa tries to reason but Costia has a fire in her eyes.

“You always liked her, didn’t you? The jealous looks you give me every time we kiss… I noticed them, Clarke! You’re not very subtle!” Costia accuses the girl that can’t even work up the courage to look up from the ground.

“Costia that’s enough.” Lexa reaches for Costia’s hand but she pulls away quickly.

“Are you defending her? If you love her more than me than you should just be her girlfriend. I can’t believe you right now.” Before Costia can walk away Lexa finally grabs her hand.

“Costia you know I love you and that I won’t leave you. I think you’ve had enough to drink. You’re being unreasonable.” She steps closer to her girlfriend and kisses her cheek. Costia smiles at her girlfriend but her eyes darken again as she looks over at Clarke.

“Don’t you ever try anything again! She is mine and she’ll never have feelings for you!” Costia hisses at the blonde. Lexa just gives her girlfriend a warning glare. Meanwhile Clarke can’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes. A few even escape and run down her cheeks.

Lexa feels her heart stop at the sight of Clarke crying. She feels the need to walk over to her and comfort her but she knows she would never hear to end of it if she were to abandon her girlfriend. That’s when she feels Costia drag her back inside the house. She keeps looking at her best friend with guilt in her eyes as the blonde walk over to the curb and lets herself fall to the cold concrete. Lexa can even hear sobs.

“Costia that wasn’t necessary.” Lexa is really mad at Costia for making Clarke feel bad.

“She has to learn not to take away someone else’s stuff.”

“So I’m your property now? Wow that’s low.” Lexa crosses her arms and glares down at her girlfriend.

“Are we really fighting today. The new year starts in less than ten minutes.” Costia raises her eyebrows at Lexa. She sighs. “Of course you are not my property, Lexa. I just get possessive when I think of you with somebody else. Ever since you moved to Cambridge I can’t help but wonder if you get lonely and I don’t know… meet girls.” Lexa’s expression softens at her girlfriend’s confession.

“Costia,” She lets out a sigh “I would never cheat on you. I love you, very much. You can trust me.”

“I do trust you. I’m sorry I overreacted.” Costia looks to the floor ashamed of herself. Lexa walks into the kitchen to make herself a drink which she empties immediately. Deciding that she needed more alcohol she takes a few shots… she doesn’t know how many. Too many. She needs to loosen up and have fun or she’ll ruin the party for herself and everyone else.

As everybody starts to count down from ten Lexa looks around to see if Clarke came back inside. To her disappointment she can’t find the girl anywhere.

_Nine_

_Where is Clarke?_

_Eight_

_She didn’t come back inside._

_Seven_

_She is still out there._

_Six_

_On her own._

_Five_

_She’s going to be alone for New Years._

_Four_

_I won’t let that happen._

_Three_

_Two_

_One_

_…_

Lexa blinks open her eyes. She notices that she’s in a bed but doesn’t know how she got in it. She tries to remember what happened after midnight. She doesn’t know. What happened after her little fight with Costia was erased from her memory. All she knows is that her head hurts like hell. _Damn you, alcohol_.

She feels her girlfriend’s arm around her waist and immediately feels more at ease. Slowly to not wake her girlfriend she turns around. Something is different.

She looks down at the girl with shock written all over her face. She lifts the blanket and notices that she and the girl are naked. _Fuck!_  

She jumps out of bed and collects her clothes frantically.

“Lexa?”

“Clarke, what the fuck happened last night?”  

 


	9. The Walk of Shame

“Clarke, what the fuck happened last night?”  

Clarke sits up staring at Lexa with an open mouth. When Lexa keeps looking at her for an answer Clarke clenches her jaw.

“You don’t remember?” She says clearly pissed. “You can’t be fucking serious, Lexa.” She groans in frustration and climbs out of bed. Anger starts to rise in her whole body, she can’t help hit the mattress with her hand.

“Clarke I don’t remember anything… I just know I had this fight with Costia and then I wanted to go outside to look for you. How did everything end up like this?” Lexa panics.

“Lexa, you never came looking for me! You showed up long after the party ended at my doorstep!” Clarke gets up angry and quickly puts on her clothes.

“Wait, I did this?” Lexa feels her heart stop beating at the realization that she went looking for Clarke and probably started everything.

“Yes, you did! You wanted it!” Clarke clenches her fist.

“No, that can’t be true. I would never cheat on Costia.” Lexa tries to convince mostly herself.

“That’s far from what you’ve told me last night.” Tears well up in the blonde’s eyes. “You told me you love me… “

Lexa closes her eyes desperately trying to remember what she did. She sits down on the bed and puts her head in her hands.

“What did I do?” The girl in now very close to crying. Clarke kneels down in front of her friend.

“Lexa please tell me that you meant what you said… “She can see the desperation in Clarke’s eyes. _Do I mean it?_

“Clarke… I don’t know anything right now.” Hurt can be seen on Clarke’s face before it turns to anger. All of the sudden she stands up fully and slaps Lexa across the face. Hard.

“Fuck you, Lexa!” The blonde storms out of the room. After taking a moment to comprehend what just happened, Lexa runs after her friend in pants and bra.

“Clarke!” She shouts as she speeds down the hallway. She jumps down the stairs into the kitchen and to her shock finds Raven sitting on the counter. _Fuck my life. What is she doing here?_

Raven stares at her half naked friend with an open mouth. She just witnessed a crying Clarke rushing into the bathroom and soon after Lexa falls down the stairs without a shirt on. _Damn, this is going to be a good story._

“Looking for Clarke?” Raven raises her eyebrow at Lexa as she bites into an apple.

“Where is she?” The taller brunette looks to the floor ashamed of herself.

“Bathroom. But I really don’t think she wants to see you right now.” Raven smirks enjoying the view in front of her. _Not bad_. She thinks to herself.

Lexa rushes to the bathroom and lightly knocks on the door and calls Clarke’s name.

“Leave me! I don’t want to see you, Lexa!”

“Clarke… “

“Please just go away. You’ve done enough.” She hears sobs escape her friend’s mouth.

“Clarke… I’m so sorry that happened. I wasn’t myself last night- “Lexa is cut off as the door swings open with force. She expected Clarke to listen to what she has to say but instead the blonde pushes her away with a force Lexa has never seen before.

“GO!” She screams one last time before heading back upstairs to her room. “Here’s your fucking shirt! Happy new year, Lexa!”

Lexa catches her shirt as the girl throws it directly at her face. The brunette can feel herself getting emotional and decides to leave as fast as possible. She walks passed Raven without another word and runs out of Clarke’s house. Not having any money for a cab she starts walking towards her old house which now solely belongs to Anya. After about 40 minutes she finally arrives at the front door.

“Lexa! Where the fuck did you run off?” It was Costia who opened the door after she rang the bell. She looks at her girlfriend and feels a rush of guilt overcome her.

“Uh I…” She can’t form a coherent sentence afraid to say something that might hurt Costia.

“I was so worried. Why did you just leave?” Costia lets Lexa enter her home and accompanies her into the living room to the couch.

“What do you mean I left? I kind of… don’t remember anything.” Costia takes her hand seeing that her girlfriend is scared of something.

“You fainted at the party shortly after midnight.” _Fainted? What?_

“I don’t remember anything after midnight.” Lexa is still confused.

“Anya and I got you home and put you into bed. We’re thinking you had too much to drink.”

“When did I leave?”

“I don’t know. I woke up around four and you were gone. Where did you go?” Lexa can’t bring herself to tell her the truth.

“I woke up on the bench in the park next to the school.” She knows she shouldn’t lie but she can’t tell her what really happened. Not yet.

“Gosh… Lexa never do that again. I was so worried.” Costia leans forward to kiss Lexa’s lips. Normally she would melt at the feeling of Costia’s lips on hers but this time she felt nothing. _What is wrong with you Lexa?_  

Costia deepens the kiss and leans heavily against Lexa. Lexa heats the situation up by pushing Costia down on the couch. She positions herself between Costia’s legs but feels nothing. Suddenly an image pops up before her eyes.

“Lexa…” Costia moans but Lexa hears another voice. Clarke’s.

“No!” Lexa jumps off of Clarke… Costia… Clarke? It’s Costia. The blonde hair turns black and Lexa can finally see Costia again. Only Costia.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa can see that Costia is concerned.

“I… am tired. I don’t have enough energy for that.” Her girlfriend looks a bit disappointed but nods anyway.

“Ok go rest, sleep well. I love you.”

“I love you too.” _I do love her, right?_

Laying in the bed Lexa can’t keep her mind from wandering off to Clarke. She feels guilty for hurting her and even more for not being able to remember what she was thinking when she did what she did. _Do I love Clarke? No? I don’t think so. Or maybe I like her a little bit. I don’t know!_

Suddenly a thought hit her. _I went to sleep. I got up. I walked away. I woke up. I don’t remember anything._ She was in a similar situation once. She realizes that can only mean one thing. 

_I sleepwalked again._

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Don't Let Me Go

_I can’t believe her. She told me she loved me and that she’d do anything to be with me. What about that stupid promise to break up with Costia? I was so stupid. How could I think that she actually has feeling for me and that we could be together? But it felt so amazing. So real._

Clarke lays in her bed with her head buried in the pillows. She hasn’t talked to Lexa in two days but she knows that the brunette will have to leave for Cambridge soon and wonders if they’ll even see each other again before she’s gone.

Yesterday Anya sent her a text inviting her to a party she’s throwing for Lexa. She wants everyone to be together for the last night Lexa and Luna have before they leave. Clarke hasn’t replied yet. The last time she saw Lexa she slapped her and told her to fuck herself. Maybe she should have just listened to what she had to say. She felt so angry at the moment and now she just misses her best friend. Her best friend. Clarke grabs her phone from the bedside table and quickly replies to Anya’s text saying she’ll be there. Lexa is still her best friend and if she missed the opportunity to see her again before she’s gone for months she will regret it the second Lexa gets onto the plane.

Luna looks over to Lexa who just got out of bed. She looks terrible, like she hasn’t slept properly in days.

“Morning.” Lexa whispers before walking over to the coffee machine and pouring herself a cup of the burning hot liquid.

“What’s up with you?” Luna was always a very direct person.

“What do you mean?” Lexa finally looks over to her.

“Something is bothering you.” Luna states.

“No, I’m fine, just a bit tired.”

“Tired because you couldn’t sleep because something has been on your mind all night.” Lexa rolls her eyes at her _very annoying_ friend.  

“Can we just not walk about it.” _Great now she knows something’s wrong_.

“So you’re not going to tell me? Okay then I’ll guess. I’ve seen you and Costia arguing at the party and Clarke was crying. So my guess, Clarke is totally into you but you are with Costia, so nothing can happen between you two.” Luna pauses for a second to see Lexa’s reaction. “Except something did happen.”

At that Lexa stops what she’s doing to look suspiciously at her friend. _How the fuck does she know?_

“No, you are so wrong.” Lexa tries to laugh the whole situation off.

“Lexa.” Luna sounds like a mother scowling her child for lying at her face. “I know you.” _Better than you think._

“You don’t know anything about me, Luna!” Lexa raises her voice in defense.

“I know that you always get loud when you’re uncomfortable.” Lexa shuts up after that determined to run from this conversation.

“You have feelings for her.” Luna follows Lexa out of the room.

“What? No way!” Lexa turns around to face the slightly taller brunette.

“Yes you do! You’re just too stubborn to see that.” Luna sees Lexa’s expression soften a bit.

“Luna, I have a girlfriend.” Luna grabs Lexa’s shoulders and sits her down on the couch.

“You know when I first saw Clarke at the airport I thought she was Costia. She looked so happy and you… your whole face lit up.”

“She’s my best friend.” Lexa justifies.

“There’s more to it. I’ve never looked at my best friend that way… unless I’ve been hooking up with them and was horny at the moment.” Lexa chuckles. Luna always used her humor in the most inappropriate situations. “But Lexa seriously… whatever occurred between the two of you, you need to sort it out. Can’t you see that it’s eating away at you?” Luna has a point and Lexa knows it. She decides to talk to her at the party. If she’s going to show up. Lexa knows that she messed up but she really had no control over her actions. She still doesn’t remember anything that happened.

A few hours later Lexa sits on the couch surrounded by all her friends… well Clarke hasn’t arrived yet but Anya told her that she would come. Someone brought alcohol but Lexa want to be completely sober when she sees the blonde.

“Babe, what’s wrong you seem so nervous?” Costia pulls her out of her thoughts. She has to think of something really quick.

“I’m just really going to miss you guys. Cambridge is beautiful I just wish you all could come with me.” Costia smiles sweetly at her girlfriend and kisses her lips tenderly. _Nothing._

As Costia gets up to get herself something to drink Lexa sighs. She hasn’t felt anything when being close to Costia. She suddenly feels something inside of her. She feels happy all of the sudden. All of the frustration about her problem with Costia gone. Just happine-. In that moment someone rings the doorbell and Lexa gets up to open the door. As she opens it she sees Clarke standing in front of her.

“Clarke…” Lexa breathes out.

“Hey Lexa, I can go if you don’t want me here.” Clarke looks down at her feet but Lexa pulls her into a tight hug.

“Are you crazy! You are the person I was most excited about.” She whispers into blonde hair. _Did I say that out loud?_   “I really need to talk to you.”

Clarke takes a step back and nods at the brunette. Lexa closes the door and steps outside into the house’s garden. She sits down next to Clarke on a bench. After a moment of silence Lexa finally starts the conversation.

“I’m really sorry about what happened. The truth is I still don’t remember anything. I know I hurt you and I feel so ashamed of myself. Clarke, I promise I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“You just showed up at my house and told me all those things I’ve always wanted to hear. The next morning, I wake up to see that you weren’t you when it happened.” Lexa feels even worse than before after hearing that.

“So you do have feelings for me?”

“Wasn’t that obvious, Lexa? And I’m sorry too. For flirting with you at the party, I know that was a stupid idea. I mean Costia was right there.” Clarke snickers at the memory but turns serious immediately after realizing that Lexa wasn’t laughing. “I’m also sorry for slapping you.”

Clarke puts her hand softly on Lexa’s cheek right where she hit the girl in their last encounter. Lexa feels her skin tingle at the girl’s touch and she takes a deep breath. _Her hand is so soft_.

“Hey, Lexa!” A loud voice interrupts their “moment”. Anya stumbles into the garden with a drink in her hand. Lexa is pretty sure it’s alcoholic.

“Come back inside guys! The party can’t go on without you!” Anya then turns around and disappears inside the house. Lexa gets off the bench and reaches for Clarke’s hand.

“Let’s go inside.” She smiles as her friend takes her hand and follows her inside. They’ve held hands before, they actually did that quite often but something felt different this time.

Back inside they celebrate with their closest friends for several hours. At the end of an intense round of beer pong -which Lexa was winning, as always- the brunette spots Clarke sitting on the floor with Luna. Normally she wouldn’t mind it at all but Luna was sitting a little bit too close to Clarke for her liking. Their sides are touching completely and her face it constantly turned towards Clarke. If Clarke were to turn her hear to look at Luna, their faces would be millimeters apart.

An unpleasant feeling rises in Lexa. Something she hasn’t felt very often before. She might feel a little bit jealous. But just a little bit. As she sees Luna put her hand on Clarke’s leg she realizes what she was to stubborn to see sooner. She was very jealous.

She quickly wins the beer pong game and goes to stand in one of the corners of the living room where she can see directly at Luna’s face. She tries to throw her friend glares but Luna is too occupied with Clarke to notice her.

Little does she know Luna has felt Lexa glare at her even before she moved into the corner. She is trying to prove something so glares won’t be enough. Lexa has to make a move. Luna starts to tell a story of how Lexa tried to cook something and put sugar into the sauce instead of salt. Of course Clarke starts laughing. Of course because it’s about Lexa. Luna thinks to herself and smirks to herself as she sees Lexa slowly coming closer.

_What are they talking about? Why is Clarke laughing?_ Lexa walks closer to them trying to be as subtle as possible. She lover Luna, but she hates her right now. Wasn’t she the one trying to get Lexa to talk about her feelings for Clarke? _Feelings for Clarke? Damn, I just admitted it. Kind of._

Lexa feels her mouth drop as Luna puts an arm around Clarke. _What the hell! No way!_ She can’t just stand there and do nothing so she walks over to them with the speed of light and squeezes herself between Luna and Clarke. In any other situation that would have been very weird for her but right now she couldn’t care less.

“So how’s the party?” She blabbers. Clarke looks surprised at first but smiles at the realization that it’s Lexa who’s sitting extremely close to her and Luna smirks at her victory.  

“I think I’ll try beer pong now. Have fun.” Lexa sees a spark in Luna’s eyes. It’s like she’s communicating with her without words. _Do it!_ That’s what she reads in Luna’s expression.

“Eh Lexa I wanted to give you something before you leave for Cambridge.” She is surprised to hear Clarke’s shy voice so close to her. “It’s in my car.”

she gets up with her and they head outside towards her car. She unlocks it, grabs her jacket and pulls something shinny out of one of the pockets.

“Close your eyes.”

“Seriously? What are we five?”

“Close your eyes or I won’t give it to you.” She jokes but Lexa does as she says. She can feel the blonde take her hand and put something in it. The feeling of their hands touching fills them with excitement

“You can look now.” Lexa opens her eyes to see a beautiful necklace with an infinity symbol attached to it. She looks up and into those breathtaking blue eyes.

“Do you like it?” Clarke looks nervous. Lexa suddenly feels a strong need to be close to her. She doesn’t like it, she loves it. A burst of courage and desire causes her to take a step towards Clarke. She puts one hand on the back of her neck and pulls her to meet her lips. Lexa kisses the blonde softly. She feels insecure but when Clarke starts kissing back all of her insecurities seem gone. She wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist to bring her even closer.

They pull apart to breathe. Clarke searches Lexa’s eyes for a sign of what just happened.

“I love it, Clarke. Thank you.” The brunette whispers to her. Clarke smiles back at her and closes the distance between them once again. This feels so right. When Lexa showed up at her doorstep in the middle of the doorstep it felt amazing but this feels like something that’s been waiting to happen for a very long time.

“You fucking liar!” The girls jump apart at the loud disturbance to see Costia standing at the door with tears in her eyes.

“Costia…” Lexa is too out of breath to for a sentence.

“I love you, Costia! I’m not going to leave you!” She mocks Lexa’s voice. “Fuck this.”

Her voice sounds so defeated and it brings Lexa absolutely no joy seeing her girlfriend -or well I guess ex-girlfriend or whatever they were now- suffering like this.

_Her eyes are so beautiful but for once I wished she didn’t have eyes to see what she just saw._

 


	11. Those Loving Eyes

Everything happened in a blur. After Costia saw Lexa kiss Clarke she followed her back inside the house. Everybody went outside or home to give the couple some privacy. They’re standing in the living room as she screams at Lexa, pushes her, cries right in front of her. Lexa feel tears run down her cheeks but she stays silent. She doesn’t have an excuse for what she did. It happened and now she knows that she’s a monster but she doesn’t know if she regrets it.

_Is it possible to love two people at the same time? And if it is, how do you decide what to do? First I broke Clarke and now I broke Costia even worse. What do I do?_

“It’s over” Costia says her final word at the end of her monolog. Lexa looks up at her love. She’s not even a little surprised that Costia wants to end things after what she had to witness. Lexa closes her eyes as she starts sobbing but nods accepting Costia’s decision.

“I’m sorry, Costia. I love you.” Lexa knows she can’t save their relationship but Costia has to know that she loves her and that she really is sorry but that doesn’t change anything. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Do you even regret it?” Costia crosses her arms as she glares at Lexa. She lets herself sink into the couch as Lexa stays quiet. She knows the answer. Lexa hears the girl cry but doesn’t move to comfort her.

“Leave! And don’t come back ever again!” Costia finally screams at Lexa who starts sobbing even harder before turning around and heading for the door. She looks back one last time to see Costia’s beautiful eyes watching her. A mixture of tears, pure hate and love in her eyes.

 “I really am sorry.” Lexa says before opening the door and leaving her ex-girlfriend alone in the room.

Outside Clarke, Luna and Raven immediately look at her silently asking what happened. Lexa just sits down on the lawn, head in her hands.

“Lexa?” Clarke slowly walks over to the brunette and sits down next to her.

“What happened?” She whispers to her friend.

“You can imagine what happened.” She doesn’t even look up to see Clarke’s reaction. “She broke up with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke puts a hand on Lexa’s shoulder but the taller girl immediately stands up.

“No. Don’t be sorry… I’m a monster! I did this to myself. I don’t deserve comfort.” Lexa says with a shockingly calm voice. It sounds so determined which scares Clarke. Not even an hour ago Clarke experienced one of the best moments of her life and now she just feels like shit for what she did to Costia but she doesn’t regret it at all.

“Don’t say that, Lexa.” Clarke stands up as well.

“You should have seen her face. Her eyes. I hurt her bad. There was so much hate in her eyes. I don’t want to see that glare ever again… what kind of monster am I to put that look on her face.” Just as she finished her sentence they hear a scream from inside the house. _Costia_.

Luna is the first to react as she rushes inside followed by Lexa, Clarke and finally Raven. The screaming won’t stop and as they reach the living room they see Costia lying on the floor and holding her face. Luna looks around the room as if she was searching for someone but nobody’s there. She focuses her full attention to Costia. The three other girls kneel beside her trying to get her to calm down.

“Costia!” Raven shouts as she gets a hold of Costia’s arms and pulls them away from her face. She jumps away from the screaming girl as she sees blood coming from her eyes. A lot of blood.

“Someone call an ambulance. Now!” Lexa shouts as she tries to get Costia to talk to her. Luna calmly pulls out her phone and dials the needed number. She sighs because she knows there’s nothing they can do for her now. It’s not in their power to help Costia.

Several hours later Lexa, Clarke, Luna, Raven and Costia’s parents listen to a doctor explain Costia’s condition.

“We tried everything but we couldn’t save her eyesight. I’m sorry.” The doctor finally says. Costia’s mom buries her face in her husband’s shoulder.

“So that means… “Lexa whispers to herself mainly. “She is blind.”

“Yes, I’m really sorry. You can go see her if you want.” The doctor leaves to family and friends to take in the information. Costia’s parents go to see Costia first and after 15 minutes Lexa carefully walks into the room. She doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to talk to Costia or if she’ll just ask her to leave.

“Costia” Lexa whispers into the room. The lights are on so she spots the girl immediately lying on the bed with a bandage over her eyes.

“Leave.” Costia doesn’t sound angry anymore. She sounds defeated.

“Please, I need to know what happened.” Lexa takes a few steps towards the bed. “I care about you, even if you doubt it.

Costia sighs but doesn’t say a word which sounds like an invitation to come closer to Lexa. She sits down on one of the chairs next to the bed. She tries to reach for Costia’s hand but the girl immediately pulls it away from her touch.

“What happened?” She whispers.

“I don’t know… I saw someone.” Costia stars to shake as she thinks back to what happened.

“Someone?”

“They had a mask… But definitely a human. Was nobody there when you found me?”

“No…You were alone. This person hurt you?” Costia snickers at that question.

“Yeah, seems like many people do that now.” Lexa puts her head down ashamed of herself.

“What did this person do?”

“I don’t know. I just looked them in the eye and then everything went black and my eyes started to feel like they’re on fire.” Costia starts sobbing. “And now I’m blind”

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa tries to hold back her tears but fail at the sight of her ex-girlfriend.

“You should leave. I’m done talking to you!” Costia’s voice is loud and demanding even though it’s shaky. The brunette stands up and heads for the door without another word.

“At least now I don’t have to worry about seeing you ever again.” Costia lets out a bitter laugh as Lexa closes the door behind her. On the other side Lexa collapses to the floor as she cries.

_I will find out who did this to her and I will make them pay._

 


	12. Abigor

Clarke hasn’t seen Lexa since she went inside Costia’s room and that was one hour ago. _Where are you Lexa?_

“She went to the bathroom a while ago.” Luna says as calmly as ever.

“Thanks” Clarke says before rushing to the bathroom. Once inside she sees only one stall is closed so she cautiously walks closer to it.

“Lexa?” The blonde says as softly as possible. Unsurprisingly she doesn’t get an answer so she starts knocking at the door. “Lexa are you in there?”

“Please leave.” A small voice whispers.

“Lexa please… let me in.” Clarke tries to not sound as desperate as she really is but fails miserably. To her relief she hears the door unlock and soon after Lexa is standing right in front of her.

“I should go home and pack my stuff… I’m leaving tomorrow.” Lexa walks over to the sink and washes her face.

“I’ll come with you.” As Clarke says that Lexa turns her head to look at her. For a moment Clarke thinks that Lexa’s going to object but she just gives the blonde a short nod.

“Let’s get Luna then.” The two make their way to the waiting area to tell Luna that they have to leave. Luna grabs her bag and follows them to the car.

Once at home they find Anya sitting on the couch in front of the TV. She looks pissed at her older sibling and that doesn’t change even after she saw how devastated Lexa looks.

“If she broke up with you, you deserve it.” Anya tells her coldly while focusing back on her TV show.

“We were at the hospital.” Luna tries to change the subject because even though Lexa really messed up, she was there to protect her physically and emotionally.

“What?” Anya finally gives the three girls her full attention. Lexa ignores her and runs into her room to start packing. Of course Clarke immediately follows her.

While Luna tells Anya everything that happened Clarke tries to calm down Lexa who just throws her clothes into the suitcase.

“Lexa, please just stay still for a second!” Clarke shouts as she grabs Lexa’s shoulders to stop the girl. “I know you had an intense day and I know that you blame yourself for everything but you are not responsible for what happened.”

“Maybe I didn’t blind her but I broke her heart. I could have at least behaved like a decent person and talked to her instead of cheating but that doesn’t matter because I already had sex with you… and I don’t even remember it. So please don’t tell me that I’m a good person and that I didn’t do anything wrong because I know what I did.” Lexa glares intensely at the shorter girl. Clarke is disappointed at Lexa’s reaction and lets go of her shoulders. Lexa sees that she’s hurt Clarke by being so harsh to her. The person who actually is there for her even if she doesn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t want to sound so mean. It’s just too much… I’m not even sad for myself. I’m sad for Costia. She saw… us and then someone blinded her. She must be going through so much right now and I can’t be there for her.” Lexa sighs in defeat and plumps down on the bed. Clarke carefully positions herself next to the brunette.

“So what happens now?” The blonde asks. Lexa kissed her. She wanted it but with everything that happened she wasn’t sure if that still meant anything to her.

“I don’t know.” Lexa whispers while she reaches for Clarke’s hand to entwine their fingers.

“Do you regret what happened?” Clarke is scared of Lexa’s answer so she looks to the floor and squeezes her eyes shut.

“No” Lexa’s response is simple but significant. “I care deeply about you, Clarke. I do have feelings for you but…”

“But?” Clarke feels a pang of her in her heart.

“I’m not ready… not yet. After today I need some time.” Clarke nods shortly accepting Lexa’s wish. She leans her head against Lexa’s shoulder and breathes in deeply.

“I get it and I think that’s for the best. But maybe someday...” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“Maybe someday…” Lexa repeats her words.

“When will you come visit again?”

“I don’t know… not soon that’s for sure.” Lexa fells Clarke exhale into her shoulder.

“Can I come visit you?” Clarke looks up at Lexa’s face. She sees the brunette smile a little as she nods.

“Of course. Whenever you want, Clarke.” Clarke restrains herself from pulling Lexa into a kiss so she gently pecks her cheek.

 

A week later Lexa and Luna are back in Cambridge. College started again and Luna’s club is packed with people every night. Every now and then Lexa goes there to keep Luna some company and maybe make new friends since she still doesn’t know many people except for her roommate and a guy named Monty she met at college.

“Lexa I want you to meet somebody.” Luna announces one night at the club as Lexa is sitting at the bar sipping her rum. Luna pulls a girl over to stand next to Lexa. She looks like she’s fresh out of school and for some reason she stares at Lexa with adoration and fear.

“This is Laura.” Luna introduces the girl.

“Hey I’m Lex- “

“I know who you are.” Laura blurts out her cheeks turn red immediately after. Lexa chuckles at the strange girl.

“Lexa, I think it’s time that we have a serious conversation about… well about you.” The brunette furrows her brow at Luna’s words. “Not here. Follow me.”

Lexa follows Luna and Laura into a private area of the club. They walk down a dark hallway which leads… nowhere. They arrive at the end of the hallway and look at a solid brick wall.

“What are we doing here?” She turns to the other girls for an answer. Luna doesn’t say a word as she moves to open the door. _Door? Was the door there the whole time?_

They enter a bright room with wooden furniture and carpeted floor. Lexa looks around but doesn’t see a lamp and the room is windowless as well. _Why is it so bright?_

Lexa feels something weird happening inside her body, like she could take and entire army all by herself. She’s never felt healthier or more powerful.

“He feels it.” Laura states her eyes fixated on Lexa.

“He?” Lexa’s eyes wander around the room but she can only see the two other girls.

“He’s inside of you.” _Okay Laura what the fuck?_

“We have a lot to talk about, Lexa.” Luna sits down on one of the chairs and waits for Lexa and Laura to do the same. Lexa sits down looking intensely at her friend.

“What is going on, Luna?” She doesn’t really know if she wants to know why Luna is suddenly acting so strange. “What is this room?”

“This room is a very spiritual place. Do you feel stronger?” Luna looks curiously at Lexa who only nods in response. “The thing is, Lexa… regular people don’t feel the power you’re feeling right now.”

“Regular people? You mean I’m not regular?” Lexa chuckles at her own question. _Is Luna high? She is so weird_.

“Well no you’re not.” Laura gets into the conversation. “I mean you are a human but there is so much more to you that you don’t know yet.”

“Is this an intervention?” Lexa shakes her head at the two confusing women.

“No this is the truth.” Luna states and Lexa swears she’s never seen her as serious as she is now.

“Tell me why we’re here, Luna.” Lexa grits her teeth. She knows something is wrong.

“I’ll just come out and say it as it is.” Luna starts. “You’re a vessel, Lexa. You’re not only Lexa, you’re also Abigor.”

“Abigor?” Lexa questions.

“The demon of war.” Laura answers her question. Lexa laughs at their serious faces.

“Come on guys, stop shitting me. For a moment I really thought I was in trouble.” She stands up to leave the room but when she turns to the door she is met by a wall. Not a trace of the door.

“We’re not pranking you. This is real.” Laura takes a step towards the taller brunette.

“How can I believe you. I am possessed by a demon? That’s a bit crazy, isn’t it?” Lexa walks around the room trying to find the door.

“You are not possessed. Possession is when the demon has control over you. You are still Lexa the demon inside you just allows you to do things normal human beings are incapable of. He enhances your mind and supernatural abilities. You are him, he is you. You live together as one.” Laura tries to explain the situation to the brunette.

“Okay, that’s enough you need to stop talking. Do you really think I’m that stupid?” Lexa’s voice is louder than before.

“I know this sounds very unbelievable but it’s true.” Luna says as she crosses her arms and watches Lexa trying to find a way out.

“Demons don’t exist. It’s not funny anymore, guys.” Lexa starts feeling the wall for a hidden door but gets frustrated when she doesn’t find anything.

“Then how would you explain what happened to Costia?” Luna immediately regrets saying that as Lexa looks at her wanting her to explain what she meant by that.

“Costia told me she saw a person with a mask. This person walked onto the house and somehow blinded her. That’s it.” Luna shakes her head at her friend’s ignorance.

“So someone got into the house while we right standing right outside the door, just to blind Costia and disappeared in less than 30 seconds without leaving a trace?” Luna raises an eyebrow as Lexa doesn’t seem to find the right words to say back at her.

“You’re saying a demon blinded Costia?” Lexa gives up looking for the exit and instead focuses on Luna.

“Yes.” The slightly taller brunette says determined.

“This is taking to long. I’ll prove it to you.” Laura walks towards Lexa and walks straight through a table. Lexa sees the table cut through Laura’s body but she doesn’t mind it a bit.

“What was that?” Lexa finally starts to panic but before she can register what happened Laura is standing right in front of her and raises a hand to touch Lexa’s head. But she doesn’t feel her touch instead the head goes right through her skull.

Suddenly images flash through Lexa’s mind. She sees a warrior on terrifying horse-like creature. He’s in the middle of a battlefield, fighting alongside human-like creatures. He ruthlessly slaughters his enemies which are humans with wings and white armor.

“Lexa are you okay?” Lexa wakes up on the floor. Luna and Laura kneel right beside her.

“What was that?” The brunette puts as much distance between herself and Laura as she can.

“What did you see?” Luna asks curiously.

“I saw a warrior on a horse fighting in a battle against I don’t know…angels? There was blood everywhere. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.” Lexa tries to describe the images she’s seen a minute ago.

“Well the warrior on the horse is the commander of six legions. What you saw was him leading his army in a battle between heaven and hell. His name is Abigor.” Laura explains to the confused woman.

“You mean…” Lexa finally seems to believe what they were saying.

“Yes, Lexa. You saw yourself.”

  

 


	13. Of Demons and Ghosts

Lexa is running around in her apartment trying to make sense of what she just found out. She still can’t believe that there’s supposedly a demon inside her that allows her to do things a regular human being can’t do.

“Will you please stop pacing! It’s distracting.” Luna sighs in frustration while staring at the computer screen.

“How would you react if somebody told you that you were possessed by a demon?” Lexa looks at Luna in disbelieve.

“I don’t know. I grew up knowing that I was different so I never had a doubt.” Luna doesn’t look up from her computer.

“Wait… you are like me?” Lexa takes a seat next to her roommate.

“Yes. The only difference is I’m not as important as you.” Luna finally turns her attention from the screen and looks at Lexa.

“Why am I so important? What did I do?” Lexa asks with a desperate voice.

“I… I don’t know Lexa. I just know that we need you. A war is brewing and you seem to be the only hope for many.” Lexa leans back into the couch and closes her eyes for a moment. “I can’t really tell you what’s happening. To be honest I’ve been trying to find out myself. That’s why we need Laura, she knows more than any other ghost I’ve ever met.”

“Laura is a ghost?” Lexa’s eyes widen so much Luna is surprised they haven’t fallen out.

“She walked through a fucking table of course she’s a ghost!” The brunette glares at Lexa.

“You said that as if it’s something totally normal! Nothing about this situation is normal!” Lexa stands up and starts pacing again.

“No wonder Abigor is struggling with you… “, Luna says barely above a whisper.

“What do you mean? Abigor is struggling with me?” Lexa turns around to stare at Luna.

“Look… a demon can only control a vessel if the vessel believes in supernatural creatures or if the vessel loses control of their body. And you are so stubborn that Abigor hadn’t had the chance to show himself to you that’s why you’ve been living a normal life… mostly.” Luna explains to her friend.

“What’s wrong with living a normal life? That’s exactly what I want.” Lexa grips Luna’s shoulders in desperation.

“I’m sorry Lexa you can’t have that. If a war breaks out and you haven’t completed you’re training the world like we know it could fall apart.” Luna stares back at Lexa.

“What war?” The shorter girl finally takes a step back.

“I don’t know. They just told me to find you and bring you to them.” Luna scratches the back of her head.

“Who are they?” Lexa feels like the only thing she can do is ask questions.

“The elders I guess. I haven’t met them but they sometimes talk to me in my sleep. You have to meet them but I haven’t figured out a way to find them.” Luna sits back down in front of her computer and starts typing again.

“You don’t have to find us.” Luna and Lexa jump up as a stranger’s voice echoes from behind them. “We find you.”

Three figures with wooden masks stand at the other end of the room. The masks look very simple with only to holes for the eyes and no adornment at all. Their bodies are covers by long, black robes which reach down to the floor.

“It is nice to meet you Heda.” The three figures speak at the same time. “We have a lot to discuss.”

“Elders.” Luna greets the figures and bows down in respect. She takes Lexa’s hand indicating that she should bow down too but even if Lexa wanted to drop to her knees she can’t seem to move a muscle.

“Lexa show some respect.” Luna hisses at the brunette who just keeps standing in the middle of the room.

“Abigor has never been a big fan of us.” One of the figures chuckles.

“In his opinion we are not worthy of respect.” Another figure says but Lexa can’t figure out which one.

“Bow down you fool!” The figure standing in the middle raises their hand and Lexa feels something tug her towards the floor but another force keeps her standing upright. The figure lets out a growl and raises another hand. Lexa’s legs start hurting as if they were breaking. She cries out in pain as she suddenly collides with the floor. Her legs burning and knees sure to have bruises tomorrow.

“I’m sorry that you have to suffer for Abigor’s childishness.” The figure puts their arms back down. “You have to learn to control him better. His powers can come very handy but he is after all a demon raised in hell. Nobody knows what he could do if you let him take control over your body.”

“How do I do that?” Lexa looks up at the three figures.

“You will find a way to live with him in harmony.”

“If you do not find a way soon Malphas will figure out how to enter this world and control humankind.”

“So hurry and do not let yourself get distracted.” The elders talk in the exact same tone and don’t move a bit. Lexa has a really hard time trying to make out which one is talking.

“Who is Malphas?” Luna pipes up beside Lexa.

“For now, someone you do not want to meet.”

“Practice your powers.”

“When you are ready we will come back.” And with that the three figures disappear. Lexa finds herself staring at the empty spot where the elders have been not even a minute ago.

“Holy shit.” Luna slowly stand up. “I met the elders!” The taller brunette jumps up in excitement.   

While Luna dances around the living room Lexa can’t help but feel suspicious of what the elders told her. _If Abigor was raised in hell, how come he is needed to ensure that the world is safe?_ _And why doesn’t Abigor like the elders?_

Hundreds of questions run through her mind but the most important one is how does she find a way to communicate with the demon inside of her. Lexa needs more information and she knows where to get it. _Laura_.


	14. The Further

Lexa walks to her apartment after college while talking with her blonde friend on the phone.

“Lexa, please.” Clarke’s voice sounds whiney and desperate.

“I don’t know, Clarke. I would really love to see you again but there’s so much going on with college and other stuff.” Lexa tries to make the girl stay at home and not come to England to visit her. It’s been several weeks since Lexa found out about her identity and she hasn’t figured out a way to reach Abigor yet. She hasn’t even done any of the work for college because she was researching a way to practice her powers.

“I won’t be any trouble I promise. I will let you do your school stuff and when you’re finally done and have time to relax we could catch up.” Clarke is sick of being away from Lexa. Even though they haven’t decided to start a romantic relationship Clarke can’t help but feel that she has to be there for the older girl.

“Look, there is some very crazy stuff going on in my life and I don’t think that it’s a good idea to involve you in all of this.” Lexa tries to make Clarke understand that it’s for the best if she just stayed home without actually telling her anything about the demons. _I mean how would that go? Hey Clarke, I’m sorry you can’t come because apparently there’s a demon inside me that is needed to stop some kind of war._  

“I know you are still upset about what happened to Costia but it won’t help anyone if you just keep yourself isolated from your friends. I want to be involved because… because I care about you.” The blonde sighs into the receiver of her mobile phone.

“I care about you too.” Hearing those words from Lexa warms Clarke’s heart. She lets a smile slip her lips.

“Well if you care about me then let me get through this. I know you can you just need support.” Lexa closes her eyes; she can’t believe what she’s about to do.

“Okay… I’ll tell Luna a guest is coming in two weeks.” _Luna is going to kill me_.

On the other end of the line Clarke squeals in excitement. She’s happy that Lexa agreed even though it tool some convincing. Soon she’s going to see a city she’s never ever been in and a friend she hasn’t seen in a while.

Lexa enters her apartment still on the phone with Clarke as she sees Luna standing in the living room, arms crossed, seemingly waiting for Lexa to come home.

“Listen Clarke, I have a lot of work to do. I’ll call you tomorrow ok?” Lexa cuts Clarkes happy speech about visiting her short.

“Yeah sure. I’ll see you in two weeks.” After that Clarke hangs up and Lexa looks up at Luna waiting for her to speak.

“Have you talked to Abigor yet?” The taller girl asks as soon as Lexa puts her phone away.

“No… I haven’t found a way to reach him yet. I’ve tried meditating and calling him but I never got anything back.” Lexa slumps down onto the couch and closes her eyes as she knows what’s going to come next.

“You need to try harder… or maybe find another approach. If you can’t even, make contact with him how are you supposed to deal with the war that’s coming?” Luna starts to panic internally.

“You know I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over again. Are you sure you got the right person? What if I’m just a normal human and you brought me into a situation I can’t help you with?” Lexa grits her teeth because everyone tells her she needs to try harder. She does everything in her power to talk to some demon that supposedly lives inside her but up to this point she hasn’t even heard a whisper from him.

“No, it must be you.” Luna whispers mostly to herself, “How about we ask Laura for help, maybe she knows something.” Lexa calms down at Luna’s steady voice.

“Sure, go ahead. Call Laura.” Lexa just lazily waves her hand in the air waiting for Luna to do her magic.

“I can’t call her. We need to go to her.” The woman takes her keys and puts on her shoes. She waits for Lexa to get up as well so they can leave which she does reluctantly.

“Where does Laura live?” Lexa asks her roommate.

“In the club.”

“In YOUR club?” She stares confused at Luna.

“Yes, that’s where she died.” Luna simply says as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“She can’t leave the club?” Lexa puts on her jacket and the two can finally leave.

“No, she’s bound to that place. Just like many other souls. She can move freely in the Further but not in the human world.” Luna clarifies Laura’s situation.

“The Further?” Lexa follow Luna as they hastily walk to her car.

“The Further is where you get after you die. Another dimension full of demons, ghost and other creatures. Some find a way to switch from the Further to the human world and back. They usually do when they haven’t gotten a chance to finish something before they died.” Lexa still has so many question but she keeps her mouth shut because she has to take in everything Luna told her about the Further already.

After a ten-minute ride Luna and Lexa finally arrive at the club. It’s still too early to open the club so nobody is inside as Luna unlocks it and immediately locks the doors after Lexa. Lexa has never experienced the bar to be so quiet.

“Laura!” Luna disturbs the quiet atmosphere as she calls for her friend. “Laura, we need your help!” She shouts again a little bit louder this time.

“I want her to say it.” They hear Laura’s happy voice echo through the room but they can’t find the ghost.

“What?” Lexa shouts back.

“I want Lexa to ask for my help.” Laura says again and Lexa rolls her eyes at her childish behavior.

“Are you fucking serious?” Lexa says receiving a glare from Luna.

“Just say it.” Luna encourages her friend. Lexa sighs and takes a deep breath.

“Laura, I need your help. Please.” Lexa finally vocalizes.

“Of course I’ll help you, babe.” Lexa jumps up as Laura suddenly appeared right next to her with a huge grin on her face.

“You scared the shit out of me.” Lexa pants taking a few steps away from the girl.

“Sorry, Lexie.” The smile still doesn’t leave her face. _Lexie?_ “So what so you need me for?”

“She needs help with contacting Abigor.” Luna starts.

“I have tried many things but nothing seems to work. Luna suggested we should come and ask you for advice.” Lexa finishes explaining.

“I see.” Laura scratches the back of her neck. “Have you tried looking for him in the Further?”

“No, I just found out that the Further exists.” Lexa sees Laura smirk as she claps her hands together.

“That’s it! You just need to enter the Further and ask for Abigor. I’m sure you’ll find him, good luck!” With that Laura slowly starts to disappear.

“Laura wait!” Lexa calls out and the ghost comes back rolling her eyes.

“What?” She looks up at Lexa expectantly.

“I don’t have any idea how to enter the Further. What should I do?” The brunette asks desperately.

“Ugh okay, I’ll help you.” Laura motions for the two women to follow her. She walks them to a VIP section in the club and tells them to sit down on the couches.

“Lexa, I need you to lay back, close your eyes and be completely calm.” Lexa does what she’s told. “Good, now try to look inside yourself. Your body doesn’t exist it’s just your soul left.”

Laura’s soothing voice makes Lexa feel drowsy as she tries to focus on her soul and leave her body behind. After what fells like hours Lexa finally gives up.

“This is not working. We should try something else.” She shuts up as she notices that she’s all alone in the room. The lights are out and the only light brightening up the room comes from her skin. She jumps off the couch to look at her glowing skin.

“What is this?” She whispers to herself but the noise seems to carry on loudly through the entire room.

“You made it.” Laura’s says from behind her causing Lexa to jump again. She turns around to glare at the girl but her angry look immediately turns to one of horror and confusion. She sees Laura standing right next to her unmoving body.

“What is happening?” Lexa stutters in shock.

“What? Oh that?” Laura points at Lexa’s sleeping figure. “You separated your body from your soul. Sorry but it has to stay here while we roam around the Further.”

Lexa has to lean her body against a wall for support as she takes a few calming breaths. Laura walks across the room towards the door but before she can open it to exit the room she turns back to look at Lexa.

“Come on, we need to find Abigor.” She reaches for Lexa’s hand and leads her out of the room into a darkness.

“So this is the Further?” Lexa is finally able to speak again after the shock. Laura simply nods at her question. “It doesn’t seem like a place I would like to visit often.”

“This is just the dark part of the Further. There is another side, the light side. Evil Demons and the ghosts of bad people live here but the other side is filled with nice demons, angels and good ghost. It’s like heaven and hell except on the same level and basically every soul can move freely between them.” Laura leads Lexa far into a darkness that scares the girl a little bit. She can’t see anything that’s not immediately in front of her.

“Why is Abigor on this side? I though he is some kind of hero to the demons.” Lexa turns her head in almost every direction because she keeps hearing strange noises but she follows Laura anyway because the ghost doesn’t seem faced at all.

“Well he is a demon of war but he’s not that bad. I’ve heard that he actually is a softie inside and I wouldn’t doubt it if somebody told me that he only lives on this side because he doesn’t want innocent souls to be dragged into one of the wars between the demons of war and their legions.” Laura smiles at the stories she’s heard about Abigor and about the fact that so many fear him. In her mind he is the cutest demon of them all.

“How many demons of war are there?” Laura rolls her eyes at Lexa’s endless questions.

“I don’t know… many? But only a few are significant.” The couple stops walking as they hear a whisper from somewhere.

“I think someone is trying to reach out.” Laura grabs Lexa’s arm and drags her in the opposite direction. The taller girl is thankful for that because she probably wouldn’t have been able to move by herself. “We don’t need to risk befriending a bad spirit.”

“How are we supposed to find Abigor without running into a bad spirit?” Lexa freaks out internally.

“He has to be somewhere around here. Abigor is bound to your body so his options are limited.” Laura keeps dragging Lexa around the Further. The fear inside Lexa grows as she starts hearing voices from almost every direction now.

“Don’t be afraid. You’re stronger than them. Always remember that you are alive and that’s the greatest power in this dimension.” Laura comforts Lexa with her knowledge of the Further.

“Wait!” Laura freezes as a gush of wind blows by them. She looks up at Lexa and swallows as she seems to look at something right behind the scared woman. Lexa turns around without hesitation to face her fear but she just stares at darkness.

“Laura, what’s going on?” She tries to get the younger girl’s attention but Laura’s sight is fixated at the same spot behind Lexa.

“He’s talking to you…” Laura says softly pulling at Lexa’s arm to make her stand right next to her. “Just listen closely.”

Lexa closes her eyes to try and hear what Laura is hearing. She makes out a quiet noise. No words but a voice.

“He’s looking for you.” She finally heard a full sentence but as she opens her eyes she only sees darkness. She closes them again to try and hear the voice again.

“He’s looking for you.” This time she heard it very clearly.

“He’s looking for you.” The words sound from time to time more frantic.

“He’s looking for you.” Lexa finally opens her eyes again. A bald figure with, rotten teeth and pale skin is standing right in front of her speaking into her face. Out of shock Lexa takes several steps back and covers her mouth.

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.” The figure keeps repeating that sentence over and over again.

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.” His voice getting louder every second that passes.

“He’s looking for you.”

“He’s looking for you.”

“Who is looking for me?” Lexa finally burst out the only question that’s been running around her head.

“The demon.” The bald figure raises its arm to point at something behind Lexa. The straddled girl quickly turns around but finds herself staring at nothing but darkness again.

“Abigor? Is Abigor looking for her.” Lexa is surprised that even Laura’s voice sounds frightened.

“No!” The figure screams and launches itself towards Lexa. Its heavy body making Lexa fall to the ground as it encloses its large hands around her neck. Lexa can feel her breath being cut short as the spirit starts pressing harder.

Laura jumps to tear the thing away from Lexa but it’s much larger and bigger compared to her. “Leave her!” The young girl shouts at the spirit but it doesn’t move.

“Lexa, you are stronger! You can take him!” She encourages Lexa to fight the bad spirit.

Hearing those words Lexa focuses all her energy on pushing that thing off of her. _I am alive. You are dead_. She repeats in her head as she grabs the creature’s forearms and pushes them away from her neck. She feels the grip on her loosen as the spirit struggles to stay attached to her body. Finally, Lexa has enough space to move their positions. Now she is straddling the creature with her hands around its neck. The thing twitches for a while before going motionless. When she sees that the figure stopped fighting Lexa slowly lets go of his body to put as much distance as possible between them.

“Can we please go back now?” She looks at Laura with desperation in her eyes.

“Yes sure, I think that’s enough for today.” Laura starts walking back to Lexa’s body. Lexa is about to follow her when a low laugh captures her attention.

“Well done.” She hears a low voice say to her. “I’ve picked the right one.”

“Abigor?” Lexa’s eyes widen at the realization that she must have found the demon.

“Yes.” Lexa sighs in relief. A warrior in full body armor and horn on his head slowly walks up to Lexa. He has snakes draped around his shoulders and two swords attached to his back. He looks absolutely terrifying but Lexa feels oddly save in his presence.

“I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks.” Lexa looks up at the gigantic demon in front of her.

“I know.” He answers shortly.

“Why haven’t you said anything?” She gets irritated by the demon’s short answers.

“I was waiting for you to impress me.” Lexa can hear through his voice that he’s smiling.

“Impress you?” Lexa repeats his words with a scowl.

“Yes. You impressed me now when you beat the unfortunate soul that was stupid enough to attack you in the first place. Before that the only impressive thing about you was your stubbornness.” This time the demon actually chuckles at Lexa’s death glare.

“Thanks a lot.” She rolls her eyes at Abigor.

“You should go back to your body, Lexa.” He points in one direction with his finger. As Lexa turns around to face Laura she doesn’t see the ghost anywhere. Confused she looks back to Abigor but the demon is already gone.

“Shit.” Lexa says to herself as the fear of being alone in the Further takes control. She runs as fast as she can back towards her body and hopes that she remembers which direction she has to run to. After several minutes of panicking on the inside she finds the door she has gone through with Laura. She enters the room and sees her body lying in the same spot as before. _Thank God!_  She closes the distance and soon the darkness fades and turns into light.

“Lexa?” She hears Luna’s panicked voice and feels her warm hands on her shoulders.

“I’m fine.” Lexa says as she slowly opens her eyes to get used to the light. She sees Luna take a deep breath in relief that her friend has made it back.

“How did it go?” She doesn’t waste much more time and starts asking the important questions.

“I think it went well.” Lexa answers unsure.

“Did you see him? Can you talk to him now?” Luna’s eyes widen excited for the reply.

“Um I think so.” **I’m here, Lexa**. “Yes, I can hear him.”

Lexa smiles up as Luna and Laura jump around in glee. Lexa finally feels like she’s making progress but that thought does not only excite her, it scares her as well.

**Don’t worry, everything will work out just fine. You need to have a little faith in us**.

Lexa smiles at the voice inside her head. _Maybe I can really save the world._

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
